QAFfic: Visual Aids (Part 1) (Brian/Justin)

[lady_bug_kay]

Title: Visual Aids (Part One)
Author: ladybugkay
Fandom: Queer As Folk (US)
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating: R
Word Count: 3521
Warning: some angst and then some fluff (WTF? I know.)
Summary: What if Justin was in the diner when Debbie threatened Loretta's husband in 504?
Disclaimer: Showtime and Cowlip and Russell T. Davies own the rights. I write for fun and intend no copyright infringement.
A/N: I was watching season 5 from the beginning, and when I came across this episode, the thing that struck me was how thoughtless and insensitive Debbie's choice of weapon seemed. So I had to write this. It started as a gapfiller, and then it turned into a sort of alternate second half of season 5 (at least for Brian and Justin). The ending still needs some work, though, which is why the second half of this story might not be posted for a few days, even though it is mostly finished except for some revision and fleshing out.

Part One

He’s hopelessly lost in a sketch he’s working on, sitting in a corner booth of the diner, when he hears the crack of the bat.

 

His head jerks up in surprise, and when he sees Debbie standing there, brandishing the baseball bat like a weapon, all the air in his lungs leaves him in one wheezing breath, and the pencil in his hand drops into his lap.

 

There is something mesmerizing about the scene and the way she just stands there, and even though he desperately wants to, Justin can’t look away. It’s all he can do to keep from screaming, and he tries to force back the whimper crawling up from the back of his throat. He’s grateful that everyone else in the diner doesn’t notice him. They’re too busy looking at Debbie and her showdown with someone Justin can’t see because he can’t look away from the piece of wood that represents the worst fear he’s ever known. No one is paying any attention to the scared little boy who wants to run away but who can’t feel his feet, and the moment just stretches out, longer and longer, until he thinks he might have to be the one to break it by either wetting himself or running out the door to go look frantically for Brian.

 

Finally, finally, Debbie seems to win whatever battle she’s been fighting.

 

But Justin could have told her that; the one with the bat always wins.

 

So there are cheers and congratulations echoing in his ears as Justin stumbles out the door, leaving, for the first time, without paying his bill. He will never recall how he makes it back to the loft. One moment he is vomiting the remains of his chocolate shake and cheeseburger onto the curb in front of the diner, and the next he is sitting in the bottom of the shower, shaking under the spray of water that’s been running so long it’s ice-cold.

 

It’s been years since something has hit him this hard, and Justin feels as if he’s fallen back through time. Back to when something like this was a regular occurrence and Brian had become an expert on putting him back together.

 

But this time, Justin manages to pull himself together before Brian gets back, and then he does everything he can to act normally. Because it’s Hard Heroes night at Babylon, and Brian’s been working like a fiend to get everything just right for his big attempt to seduce Michael back into the club scene. And Justin has his suspicions that this is one pitch of Brian’s that won’t be successful, so he’ll have to keep an eye on Brian tonight and keep him from becoming too depressed.

 

And if he finds himself trembling periodically throughout the evening, it’s fine; he tells Brian it’s just because they’re keeping Babylon cooler than usual to make the superheroes’ nipples clearly visible beneath the spandex. Brian’s so busy watching the door he is barely listening, anyway, and Justin gets away with excuses weaker than the coffee at the diner when Debbie’s not working.

 

Except that thoughts of Debbie make Justin think of her standing there wielding a fucking baseball bat, and he can’t handle that, right now, so he pulls Brian into the backroom for a quick fuck to calm him down. They’ve both been distracted tonight, but it’s impossible to stay that way when Brian pushes inside him, and Justin lets everything else go and gives himself over to Brian, completely.

 

It’s okay. It’s fine. He’s fine. It’s all over, now, and he just needs to put it behind him, the way he has everything else, and not think about it.

 

Which works about as well as it did with his anger over the bashing in the first place.

 

So when he wakes up gasping that night, barely an hour after they fall asleep, Justin isn’t really surprised. The nightmares are a fairly regular problem, anyway, and he tries to convince himself this one wasn’t the worst he’s had in years, even as he tries to convince Brian he’s alright.

 

Brian is used to Justin’s dreams, too, and even though he hates, more than anything, something waking him up when he hasn’t had enough sleep, he never snaps at Justin when his bad dreams disturb both their rests. Instead, Brian rubs his back and talks softly, reassuring him that it was just a dream, they’re both alright, and there isn’t anyone else here.

 

Justin can’t find the words to tell him that this time it was Debbie who bashed his brains in and left him bleeding and dying on the floor of the diner, while she walked off into the sunset holding hands with the new waitress. He lets Brian soothe him until his heart is beating at a less alarming rate, and then he listens to Brian’s breath become deep and slow, before finally falling asleep himself.

 

But barely half an hour later, Justin wakes up screaming and almost hits Brian in the face with his flailing arms. This time, he wakes only to fall headlong into a panic attack, and for long minutes, he can’t determine what’s real and what’s not. Brian is nearly as frantic as Justin, trying everything he can think of to calm him down, and eventually, Justin finds himself sitting on the edge of the bed, clinging desperately to Brian’s arms with white-knuckled fingers and suspiciously wet cheeks. Brian is kneeling in front of him with his hands on Justin’s hips and his eyes on Justin’s face.

 

“What happened, today?” Brian’s voice is low and quiet, and he asks the question carefully.

 

“Nothing,” Justin says, forcing himself to relax his grip, even if he can’t let go, yet.

 

“Bullshit.” Brian stands and moves to sit beside Justin, which makes Justin shift and turn sideways on the bed so that he can keep holding on to Brian. “Two in one night, plus a panic attack? It hasn’t been this bad since the first few months after--. What happened?”

 

Justin lets go of Brian and reaches up with his right hand to scratch absently at the back of his head. “There was just this thing at the diner.”

 

“Uh-huh. What ‘thing?’”

 

Justin looks away from the intensity in Brian’s gaze, but he can’t seem to keep his eyes focused on any one thing for longer than half a second. He really doesn’t want to have to say this, to admit to being this pathetic so many years after the fact, especially in front of Brian. But Brian is impossible to resist when he puts his mind to something, and Justin knows he’ll have to tell him the truth when Brian’s hand touches the side of Justin’s neck and moves his head until he has no choice but to look Brian in the face.

 

“Justin. It’s okay. Just tell me what happened.”

 

He looks at Brian and tries to find the right way to say this. “…I was trying to finish that sketch I’ve been working on before my hand gave out, so I’m not sure exactly what was going on. All I really know is that it had something to do with Loretta.”

 

“Who the fuck is Loretta?”

 

“The new waitress at the diner. You know, the one who replaced Deb?”

 

Brian nods his head, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on Justin’s.

 

“There was this really loud bang, and she was suddenly just there—Debbie, I mean. And she was--”

 

“She was what?”

 

“I think she was trying to protect Loretta or something, but she had--. She was holding...”  Justin stumbles to a halt, but Brian nods at him to continue, and he forces himself to say the rest, all at once, so that he can just get it out. Out of his mouth, and maybe even out of his head. “She was threatening someone with this baseball bat, and I got a little freaked out.”

 

Brian’s face goes perfectly still, but there’s something terrible in his eyes, and Justin isn’t sure if it’s pain or rage or something he would like to call love. But it’s there, swirling behind his eyes, and his hand on Justin’s neck tightens noticeably.

 

Brian’s voice is still low and quiet, but it’s strained when he asks, “How freaked out?”

 

Justin winces. “Well, I got the hell out of there as soon as I could, and I wound up leaving my lunch in the street.” He laughs a little, but he’s not surprised when Brian doesn’t. It’s not that funny. “Then I came back here and apparently hid in the shower for long enough to outlast the hot water tank. Oh, and I think I skipped out on the check. So I guess you could call it a level 6, maybe 7, freak-out.”

 

He holds Brian’s gaze until Brian pulls away, standing up to start pacing back and forth across the bedroom.

 

“Son of a bitch! What the hell was she thinking?!”

 

Justin feels like he should defend Debbie, even if his subconscious has cast her as the villain in a few horrendous nightmares. “I don’t think she knew I was there, Brian.”

 

It makes Brian stop pacing and look at him again, at least.

 

“That doesn’t matter. Why the fuck did she even have the goddamn bat in the first place? Did she just forget? How the fuck do you fucking forget something like that?”

 

“Brian--”

 

There must be something more in his voice than Justin can hear, because Brian stops ranting and presses his lips together. “Shit. You’re not the one who needs to hear this. Especially right now,” he adds under his breath, although he’s close enough that Justin can hear the words. “Are you okay? I mean, now; are you okay, now?”

 

Justin shrugs half-heartedly. “I guess so. But…”

 

“What?” Brian gives him his full attention, and it’s a heady sensation, one that reminds Justin of their first night together, before either one of them had this extreme aversion to a piece of wood. There is also that same feeling of being a little too aware of how young he is, and how much in awe of this man in front of him.

 

It’s pathetic and cowardly, and it makes him feel eight years old, but, “I don’t want to fall asleep, again,” Justin says to Brian’s feet, unable to watch his face during this particular confession. The next words catch on something in his throat, but he forces them out into the air, even though it leaves him raw and exposed. “I don’t think I can handle another nightmare, tonight. Don’t let me fall asleep, again, okay?”

 

Brian glances briefly at the alarm clock beside the bed, and Justin knows that there are still too many hours until the morning to accommodate this favour, but he loves Brian just a little bit more for simply saying, “Okay. Get your ass out of bed, Sunshine, and figure out which movie you want to watch. I’ll make some coffee.”

 

Justin lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes for a moment, then smiles a little and opens them again so that he can see Brian’s face. “Thank you.”

 

“Just make sure it’s something I can stomach. It’s too fucking early for any animated Beatles shit.”

 

It feels good to laugh, even a little bit, and Justin gives Brian a long thank-you kiss on his way to the TV and the eclectic selection of DVDs that reveal the undeniable influence of both Brian and Justin. They’re proof that the two of them live here, together, and that’s something Justin has always loved.

 

When Brian comes over with the coffee, Justin is sitting in the middle of the floor in a jumbled pile of blankets he appropriated from the bed, and Brian joins him there. He reaches for the remote and presses play, and when the movie starts, Brian turns to look incredulously at Justin.

 

“…What?”

 

Brian isn’t buying it. “I said something I could stomach, not something I wanted to throw back up.”

 

“Shut up,” Justin says, setting aside his cup of coffee so that he can lie down with his head on Brian’s lap. “It’s got Marlon Brando in it.”

 

“It’s fucking Guys and Dolls, Justin.”

 

“Yes. With Marlon Brando.”

 

“Singing and dancing,” Brian complains, his hand reaching down to stroke Justin’s hair. “That’s not the right Brando.”

 

“It’s a movie with Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra in it. Shut up and watch; you might even like it. Just don’t let me fall asleep,” Justin adds quietly.

 

Brian is silent for a minute, and his hand stills in Justin’s hair, but then he starts the stroking again and says just as quietly, “I promise.”

 

*          *          *

 

Brian takes Justin over to Daphne’s once it’s an acceptable hour of the morning. He’d called her while Justin was in the shower to let her know he needs her to keep Justin occupied and happy, and after he drops Justin off and watches Daphne open the door and let him in, Brian heads straight for Debbie’s. He needs to give her a large, uncensored piece of his fucking mind about her thoughtlessness the day before. Brian really doesn’t know what it is about the Novotnys that they can’t seem to remember how horrific the bashing was. He sure as hell can’t forget it. And even though he isn’t about to hit Deb in the face, she needs to know that what she did was just as unacceptable as what Michael said two years ago, if not more so.

 

Christ, hadn’t the poor kid been through enough the first time around, without people he loved brandishing goddamn bats in his face? Brian has developed such a loathing of the fucking things he can’t even walk past a sporting goods store without his heart beating a little too fast.

 

When Carl answers the door, Brian experiences only a moment’s pause—he’s still not used to Carl living here, too. He steps inside and listens with a clenched jaw as Carl warns him that Debbie is a little hung-over after a late night drinking with Loretta to celebrate facing down Loretta’s husband.

 

Apparently, Debbie doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did, and Brian is all for people standing up to their spouses and getting out of marriages that are nothing but death traps to begin with, but there are a lot better ways to face down an asshole than with a fucking baseball bat. Shit. It’s only been a few years. How could Deb forget what a menace those goddamn things are?

 

Brian walks into the living room and sees Debbie lying prone on the couch. She sits up to say hello, and he finds himself talking before he’s even worked out what he wants to say.

 

“What the fuck were you thinking? Have you lost your goddamn mind?!” He barely refrains from screaming the question at her, and she stands up, getting the same look on her face she does when she’s about to berate him for something he’s done to Michael.

 

“Don’t you take that tone of voice with me, you asshole. This is my house, and while you’re in it, I’ll thank you to keep a civil tongue in your fucking mouth.”

 

“No, Deb. This time, you’re the one who was way the fuck out of line, and you owe Justin a big, fat, fucking apology.”

 

She looks confused, and the fact that she doesn’t get it even now makes Brian that much angrier, the fury burning like acid in his gut and right down to his bones.

 

“Apology. What the fuck for?”

 

“He was at the diner yesterday.”

 

“Oh, yeah? So he was there when I made that son of a bitch run away?” She has the fucking audacity to smile, proud of herself for standing up to some asshole and proving once again that she knows how to protect the people she cares about, and Brian experiences that same all-consuming rage that made him punch his best friend in the face. Anyone who created a fucking superhero in his image should have damned well remembered why they named him what they did.

 

“Christ!” He steps back and starts pacing around the room, because even now, Brian refuses to become his father. Squeezing his hands together, he reminds himself that this is the woman who has been a better mother to him than his own ever was, who loves both him and Justin, and it makes the wrath lose a little of its ferocity.

 

When he knows he can trust himself not to lash out physically, Brian turns back to Debbie, who is staring at him with wide eyes. “That’s not the point, Deb. Justin was there.”

 

“So? He’s at the diner a lot.”

 

Brian lets out his breath in one fast exhale. Then he reins in his temper a little more and decides to treat this as if he’s explaining something to Gus. “Justin was at the diner, yesterday. When you threatened someone. With a baseball bat.” The fury rises again as he makes his point and recounts her inexcusable actions.

 

He can see the moment she realizes, when the enormity of what she did finally hits her. Her face crumbles and her eyes become wet, one hand lifting to press against her chest. Part of him feels sorry for her, because he knows that Justin was right about her not intending to hurt him, but the rest of him can’t stop thinking about Justin screaming in the middle of the night and begging Brian not to let him fall asleep again.

 

“Oh, my god--Sunshine. Jesus, Brian. I--I’m so sorry,” she says, looking at him desperately. “Is he okay?”

 

Brian ignores that question, because the answer should be fucking obvious. “What the hell was a bat doing at the diner, anyway?”

 

“Kiki put it in the back after Darren was bashed. It was behind some boxes in the storage room, and I didn’t even remember it until yesterday. I swear, I didn’t even think about--. And I didn’t know Sunshine was there, yesterday, either. I would never hurt him like that. He’s like my own fucking son,” she adds, her voice suddenly much fainter.

 

Brian doesn’t want to see this devastation; he has his own to bear. So he pinches the bridge of his nose and says, “I know. But that doesn’t change what you did, or that you did it in front of Justin.”

 

All Debbie does is nod her head, her eyes getting brighter with the tears he knows she’s about to start shedding. He needs to get out of here before that happens, so Brian says what he needs to as quickly as he can, his anger still churning just beneath the surface.

 

“So this is what you’re going to do. First, you’re going to get rid of that fucking thing; get it the hell out of the diner—I don’t care how—and never touch one of them again.”

 

“Okay,” Debbie agrees, and she’s quieter than he remembers her being in a long time.

 

“Then, you’re going to apologize to Justin. Without crying all over him and making a huge fucking scene. And don’t try to hug him or even touch him unless he makes the first move.”

 

That makes her wince, and he wonders if she’s remembering back to when Justin would cringe away from everyone who came near him, everyone except Brian, because that’s what Brian keeps picturing every other minute.

 

“Is he--. How is he?”

 

A fucking mess, but Justin won’t want anyone to know that. “He had a pretty bad night.”

 

She looks almost afraid to ask, but she’s Debbie, so she can’t help herself. “Will he be alright?”

 

“He’ll be fine.” Eventually. “Don’t treat him like he’s going to break, but go easy on him for the next little while. And try to keep it quiet from the rest of them? The last thing he needs is people feeling sorry for him or smothering him to death.”

 

Debbie nods again. He wishes it were always this easy to get her to stop talking, except he never wants Justin to have to go through something like this, again.

 

Brian checks his watch and curses to himself. He’s late for a meeting with Remson, and he needs about half a dozen more cups of coffee before he can face the rest of this bitch of a day.

 

“I have to get to work.” He turns to leave, but a little voice that sounds a lot like Justin tells him that he can’t leave it like this, so he turns back. “Deb.”

 

“Yeah?” She looks more ashamed and unsure of herself than Brian can ever recall seeing her, and he can’t regret giving her this.

 

“He’s not upset with you.”

 

It gives her back something, and Brian knows Justin would be glad he said it. Even if the message comes across loud and clear that Brian hasn’t forgiven her. And might not for a very long time.

 

Continued in Part Two

-

Comments

[forsomeone.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. I never really thought before about how Justin would have reacted if he had been in the diner during that episode. You have the characters voices down so well also and I love how Brian puts aside everything to just try and keep Justin calm when he wakes up from his nightmare.

Is there going to be more of this story? You're writing is very very good.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed this. And yes, there will be more. There is a second half (the conclusion) to this story. I was going to wait until I'd worked with the second and last part before I posted, but I think it would have been too long for LJ to allow in one post anyway, so...

The second half should be up sometime this week.

[altsunthinkable.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is excellent. I had the very same reaction the first time I saw that scene and every time I've watched it since. Just a gut reaction to seeing anyone from their family brandish a baseball bat in a threatening way after what had happened to Justin. I don't care that he wasn't there in canon to witness it or that she did it to defend someone else who really did need defending. Just no. That she could look at a bat and pick it up and use it to threaten someone and not think once about it sickened me. I'm so glad to see that I'm not alone.

And this story is really, really good so far. I'm glad it grew beyond the original idea, too, because the more of this there is the better. I could really feel both Justin's terror and Brian's rage on a gut level. Very well done. I look forward to the continuation.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

That scene bothered me so much. The scene in season 2 at Gus's birthday party with the toy bat bothered me, too. That one was so soon after what happened, that I wondered what the hell was wrong with them all that they didn't see how horrifying it was to have that gift there. Who the hell gave it to them, and why didn't anyone react to it until Justin freaked out?

But Debbie, yeah; how could any one of them ever even think for a moment of using a bat to threaten someone? It felt very much out of character, and I thought the writers were on crack when they put that scene in there.

[freakykat.livejournal.com]

I don't even know where to begin. Damn it, I wish you wrote for CowLip cause this is better than anything they came up with for that damn season. The fierce...the whole feel to it. It just grabs you and squeezes and it hurts but it's a wonderful kind of hurt.

Brian’s face goes perfectly still, but there’s something terrible in his eyes, and Justin isn’t sure if it’s pain or rage or something he would like to call love.

This sentence is like a punch in the gut. Perfectly describes Brian's face ANYTIME he thought about the bashing. And I love that it's Justin that sees it.

“It’s a movie with Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra in it. Shut up and watch; you might even like it. Just don’t let me fall asleep,” Justin adds quietly.

Brian is silent for a minute, and his hand stills in Justin’s hair, but then he starts the stroking again and says just as quietly, “I promise.”

That made me want to cry. It's so wonderfully them. *sigh*

The Debbie/Brian scene was hard because I love them and know she loves him and Justin but you handled it just right. Brian would be upset with her and it's easier for him to forgive those he loves for things they do to him but not for the things they do to Justin.

Brian in that second season was so affected by the bashing and noone really knew except for Michael and maybe Justin, but I think they only got a hint of it. I think you've captured it brilliantly here that he's never gotten over it anymore than Justin has.

I can't wait for the next part. This was amazing.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you for your wonderful feedback. I'm such a huge fan of your writing that anytime you have something positive to say about a story of mine, it makes me very proud.

Brian was incredibly affected by the bashing, and you're so right that only Michael and Justin seemed to realize. And even Michael didn't really get it--look at what he said to Brian after he and Justin broke up. And the way he got so jealous about the time Brian was spending with Justin those first few weeks after he moved back in. And since neither Justin nor Brian ever really got over the bashing, I think that any time they come face to face with it, they both tend to fall apart, to varying degrees.

I had to hold back the second half of this, because it got away from me and turned into total fluff. And I'm trying to fix that, so, we'll see how successful I am. :)

[splittingsun.livejournal.com]

I loved this. Especially Brian in it. I'm a sucker for protective!Brian. Can't wait til the next part!

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Ah, protective!Brian: the best kind. It's why there are so many stories out there that like to injure Justin or give him all kinds of various diseases. Just so Brian can do his thing. LOL

[akintay.livejournal.com]

But Justin could have told her that; the one with the bat always wins.
That line broke my heart. Half of the story actually did. To me, Justin's one of the strongest people on the show, but I could totally see this happening.
I loved how Brian immediately took charge of everything and made sure Justin was alright. The Brian/Debbie scene was awesome. Debbie isn't confronted for her, at time really thoughtless, actions enough on the show.
Loved this & can't wait for more.
Anna

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Justin is, in my opinion, the strongest person on the show, but the bashing was such a huge metaphorical blow for him, and it stripped him of so much of his confidence, especially the first few months afterward. And so I think that if he had seen Debbie with that bat, and with the way she used it, it would have thrown him right back into that time in his life.

And I'm glad you liked the Brian/Debbie scene; I struggled with her voice a lot, because she had to lose so much of her bravado and her sheer force of personality once she realized what she'd done. So if it worked for you, I'm taking that as a sign of success.

Thank you for mentioning the line you liked, too. I was quite proud of that line, myself, and it's good to know it affected you that strongly.

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

I love it! What a good idea...

Revise and flesh out quickly! :)

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm revising almost as I write this--it just needs to be pulled back from the too-fluffy fic it tried to turn into at the end. Sometimes my muses need to be reined in a bit. *grins sheepishly*

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Oh! And I meant to say, yay for the Guys & Dolls bit! Brando as Sky Masterson borders on Brian Kinney hot, lol!

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. The whole Guys and Dolls moment smashed into me from out of nowhere--Brando is hot as Sky Masterson--and I got a kick out of wondering what Brian would make of his Brando in a musical. I'm so happy you enjoyed that part, because it gave me a giggle.

[rromantic.livejournal.com]

oh, this was absolutely excellent!! Brian and Justin's characters are exactly right, completely believable. Justin hurt and vulnerable before Brian but his strength and fighting spirit still coming through, and Brian... Rage - LOVED that reference! I think I wanted to clobber Debbie even more than Brian did, you did brilliant in taking her from being so proud of herself to realising what's she's done - great job at the dialogue!
loved the tenderness between them, with Brian's actions, once again, saying everything. *goosebumps!*
very much looking forward to the second part!

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

You say the nicest things! I'm happy you feel I've done the characters justice. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm writing dialogue that I want them to say as opposed to what they would say under these circumstances, so finding out that you approve of the dialogue is a huge compliment. Debbie's voice, in particular, was tricky in this scene because she has to get so quiet, and NOT saying a lot is such a departure for Debbie.

Thanks so much for commenting.

[armandyouidiot.livejournal.com]

"how thoughtless and insensitive Debbie's choice of weapon seemed" ITA! It only would have made some sense if Cowlip had added the twist you did and followed up on it like this. Reading your excellent work shows me they missed a big opportunity for some really moving drama. This is definitely how Brian would have dealt with it. I love seeing his compassion for Justin.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. Yeah, I have no idea why they had Debbie do this; and if she did, why they didn't address some of the obvious consequences with regard to Justin. I'm very glad you're enjoying the way I'm dealing with it, so far.

[halfspell.livejournal.com]

Oh, hell, that was perfect! I never thought about how Justin would react to a baseball bat in the hands of someone he loved, but I imagine this would be it. It makes me wonder how season five would have ended if this had happened. I mean, right there in black and white is Brain giving of himself to keep Justin together and functioning. If that's not love, then nothing is. I can't wait to see the rest!

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you. I'm very relieved you are enjoying this. It was such a bizarre moment, that scene in episode 504, and I couldn't help but think about Justin's reaction--even just to hearing about what had happened. Because, honestly, what was Deb thinking?

And I hope you like the way this goes, with regard to Brian/Justin, because Brian is proving with actions what he can't say in words.

[starryskies.livejournal.com]

Guah. This is kinda incredible, and it's the only piece of QaF fic I've cared about in a good long while. I look forward to more updates.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

>>This is kinda incredible, and it's the only piece of QaF fic I've cared about in a good long while. I look forward to more updates.

Wow. Um, that's an incredible honour, and now I'm very intimidated to post the next part. I really hope it lives up to your expectations. As of now, there is only supposed to be a second and final part, although it might bleed over into a third if I expand things a lot more. Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, and I'm crossing my fingers that you enjoy the next part as much as this one. :)

[solarisday.livejournal.com]

Very good. Very powerful. Giving us that wonderful hurt/comfort, while still managing to keep the characters very much in character. I really, really liked this.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I love hurt/comfort stories, but I do feel that both characters need to remain in character--at least as much as I can manage, anyway. LOL

So if you feel this works on both those levels, I can feel that I am successful. So far. :)

[morganichele.livejournal.com]

I really, really liked this. I loved the interaction between Brian and Justin, and I love your voices for them. I'm really looking forward to seeing where you go with this. :-)

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! Sometimes I struggle with Justin's voice, for some reason, but I've really tried to keep them both in character. I'm kind of terrified to post the rest of this story after all the amazing feedback I've had for this part--I just hope I can live up to it!

[brianswalk.livejournal.com]

Not only did the original scene bother me greatly, but the fact that sometimes fanfic writers put a bat (as a weapon) in the hands of one of the gang like it's the most common of things drives me nuts.

Very intense. From Justin hearing the bat in the diner to Brian facing off against Debbie, very powerful and painful reactions. Excellent job.

Lisa

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Wow. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't think any of them would/should ever have any kind of normal reaction to bats--especially Brian and Justin. It's why Gus's first birthday part annoyed me at the way none of them seemed to realize the horror of that gift of the toy bat. Even Brian didn't have a problem with it until he saw how Justin reacted--and although I liked the scene, I felt that was problematic about it.

[bluemchenkaffee.livejournal.com]

Here in Germany we're in the middle of season 4 so I haven't watched season 5 by now.
But I loved your story nonetheless. I always wondered why someone gave Gus that plastic baseball bat in season 2 and no one was shocked.

I loved how you described Brian's thoughtfulness and tenderness.

Can't wait for the next part.

Susanne

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Oh. Whoops! I'm so sorry if I spoiled you--but at least I mentioned it took place in a specific episode of season 5, so I didn't do it on purpose.

>>I always wondered why someone gave Gus that plastic baseball bat in season 2 and no one was shocked.

Oh, I know. That bothered me a lot, too.

And I'm very glad you are enjoying this story.

[sheira66.livejournal.com]

Wow - ya know I never really thought about it before but you are so right - what was Deb thinking having a baseball bat at the diner and using it to threaten someone??? I have to put it down to the fact that I was so upset with the way I knew season five was headed that I wasn't paying close attention to details like that...but thanks so much for writing this...it really address the long term effects of something like the bashing and I LOVE protective Brian...
cheers
sme

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Season 5 bothered me for many reasons, but there were so many bizarre out-of-character behaviours and storyline inconsistencies like this one that irritated me the most.

Thank you for reading and commenting. :)

[skywalkersdream.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I could just see that happening. Poor Justin. Just when he thinks its over, it just comes rushing back at him. I love the way Brian stands up for him. I think thats one of my fav things about their relationship. great writing.

Angela

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Yep, Brian always stands up for Justin (to other people, at least), and I really don't think either one of them will EVER get over the bashing. It will always be there, waiting for something to remind them. Especially since neither of them ever really dealt with it at the time.

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

You certainly have a way of picking up on some small details that just pass by me in the show. :)

I never even thought about Justin when Deb pulled out the bat, but then again, I kinda let the parts with Loretta pass by without much thought.

Brian's reaction is just exactly how I would expect him to be. If anyone ever doubted Brian's feelings about Justin, they needed to see how Brian dealt with Justin's nightmare's. That, if nothing else, showed how much Brian loves him.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Oh, I really disliked the Loretta scenes, myself, and the first time I watched it when it aired, I think I may have actually changed channels during her scenes, so I don't think I even really saw this until I bought the DVDs. And then I went, "Whoa. What the hell?!"

>>You certainly have a way of picking up on some small details that just pass by me in the show. :)

Have you ever heard the saying "can't see the forest for the trees?" That's me. Sometimes I get way too caught up in the details and miss or ignore the big picture. But I've learned to accept that. LOL

Thanks so much for commenting.

[kevsam.livejournal.com]

Wow. I think you hit Justin and Brian's reaction to this perfectly. I am so glad that someone finally writing something about this scene. I remember when I first watched that episode and Debbie pulled out a bat my first thought was, "WTF, why does Deb have a bat at the diner where she knows Justin might find it?" Very excellent story, can't wait to read the rest.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you shared my reaction to this scene; it was absolutely outrageous, and then I just couldn't get the opening scene for this story out of my head.

Thanks for reading and giving such wonderful feedback.

[randysgirl-645.livejournal.com]

this was great to read :D

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[kari77.livejournal.com]

Your writing is amazing, as usual.
And you are so right: the Novotnys can be quite thoughtless at times. All wrapped up in good intentions, of course ...
I also always thought how could anyone give Gus a toy baseball bat for his birthday back then, with Justin being around for the party I know, it was a plot devise, but still ... *shakes head*

Love the way Brian helps Justin through the night, without giving him the feeling that he were pathetic in any way. He is a rock when it comes to caring for people.
Brian glances briefly at the alarm clock beside the bed, and Justin knows that there are still too many hours until the morning to accommodate this favour, but he loves Brian just a little bit more for simply saying, “Okay. Get your ass out of bed, Sunshine, and figure out which movie you want to watch. I’ll make some coffee.”
So much love. It made me teary-eyed.

This fic fits very well into the canon events. Look forward to the conclusion of this story.
Thanks for sharing. :-)

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

That damn toy bat--it was the most incomprehensible gift to give any child, but especially Gus, and especially so shortly after what had happened.

Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. This fits into canon so far, but it won't in the next part. Sorry? LOL

[nazdre.livejournal.com]

This is so good. This scene never bothered me before, but now I can totally see how Justin or Brian might have reacted had they been there. Excellent plot. I can also totally see their thoughts and reactions as being what might have gone thtough their minds if this was real. I can't wait to see how you wrap it up. Take your time though. After this great start I wouldn't want you to rush the end and not be happy with it. Looking foward to what you come up with!

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I try not to post something unless I feel I've done everything I can to make it as good as I can. Of course, sometimes that means I post a story that I just can't seem to make as good as I want it to be, but I'm really hoping that doesn't happen with this story. Because I'm kind of proud of this first half, and it's gotten such an amazing reaction that I don't want to disappoint anyone, including myself, with the conclusion.

Thanks for understanding. :)

[zortrana.livejournal.com]

As others have commented, I absolutely HATED that scene. How could Deb brandish a bat like a weapon? I remember thinking that they couldn't have had that thing around when Justin worked there, could they? It was a horrible, jarring scene given the symbolism of a baseball bat in QAF. I know Loretta needed protecting, but surely there were a thousand other things Deb could have used. Why not a frying pan??

Anyway, rant over. I am really glad you chose to write about this scene & I look forward to reading the next part! Good job.

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

I am in complete agreement with your rant. (Hence my story. LOL) So, no worries on that account.

I'm thrilled you're enjoying this story, and I hope the next part is up to snuff. :)

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

[alasse.livejournal.com]

wow, this was a great idea!! I never thought of how Justin would have reacted, and Brian! a very thoughtless choice of weapon indeed.
Your characterisation was spot-on, loved the way the story flowed, and I can't wait for the next part :)
Hugs,
Arlad

[ladybugkay.livejournal.com]

Aww. Thank you so much for your beautiful comments. I like this first part a lot, and I'm trying very hard to keep the second half up to par.

Thanks again for your feedback!