![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lady_bug_kayTitle: Giving Dick the Good News
Author: ladybugkay
Pairing: Bruce/Dick
Summary: Sequel to “Everybody Wants Dick.” Crack!fic. After the great rumble over who gets to take Dick Grayson home to bed,
Warnings: R rating, I guess. A curse or two and some sexual innuendo. Ah, Dick.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. I am not DC. DC would never allow this to happen.
A/N: I got an incredible (and unexpected) response to the first story, and people even asked for a sequel, so I gave it a whirl. I’m all intimidated by everyone’s expectations, now, especially since the original fic just sort of came to me. This one wrote itself, too, but I’m worried it fell a little flat, although maybe it just feels like that because it’s only Clark and Dick and Bruce. And so, I also wrote an entirely different sequel with the whole gang back; you can read this one first (or second, whatever), or you can skip it entirely and move on to the other sequel, “Dick Gets a Say (sort of).” Let me know which one you prefer! I can’t make up my mind. There is also an optional epilogue: "Stolen Dick."
“Superman! What brings you to the lovely tourist destination that is Blüdhaven?”
“I thought I should give you a heads up. Bruce won.”
“Bruce won what?”
“Bruce won you.”
“Wait, he what? What do you mean, he won me?”
“Well, we decided enough was enough. It was time to figure out who you belonged to.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah. See, everyone who wanted you got together so we could sort out who gets to keep you.”
“…”
“It was all very logical. Or, at least it was supposed to be. Oracle kept trying to make it all scientific and quantifiable, Bruce was mostly the immovable object, and I just tried to keep it fair.”
“
“And
“
“Well. You see…It was actually very serious. I mean, you know, it was imperative that we decide—.”
“
“Keep you in the sense that the winner is the one who takes you home and gets to have sex with you.”
“Oh. I see. So you just rounded everyone up and randomly selected the person I would whore myself out to for the rest of my life!”
“No, see, you’re misunderstanding me…”
“Superman!”
“Don’t think of it as prostitution, Dick. It’s actually more of an arranged marriage kind of deal. Besides, it’s not like it’s to a complete stranger. Everyone there was someone you know very well.”
“Well, that just makes everything okay, then, doesn’t it? How did you figure out who gets me, anyway? Did you draw lots? Throw darts? Play a round of poker?”
“I did suggest drawing straws or playing rock, paper, scissors, but I was vetoed.”
“Both worthy suggestions, I’m sure. So how did you do it?”
“Um. You know, I’m not really sure? Everyone was getting so loud and what with the accusations of incest and adultery and invasion of privacy flying around, it was hard to keep track. Bruce just sort of put his foot down and that was that.”
“Wait, Bruce? Batman won me?”
“Mmmhmm. I told you that already. I did my best, but he got all pissy on account of Lois. He was really being a bit of a bastard, Dick. Just so you know. I think he actually made Tim cry at the end.”
“Are you on some new hallucinogenic kind of kryptonite? What is wrong with you people? Bruce isn’t even gay!”
“I don’t know about that. I’ve seen the way he looks at your ass, and he was certainly adamant about you being his. He even threatened to fire Robin. Again. Oh, and he’s on his way here, now. That’s what I came to tell you.”
“Superman, if it wouldn’t break my hand, I’d be hitting you upside the head right now.”
“Hey! I tried to tell him you preferred me, but he wouldn’t listen. And he seemed awfully eager about coming to find you, so I thought the least I could do was warn you.”
“Nightwing.”
“Oops, too late. Hey, Batman. I have to, um, get back to Lois now. See you later, Dick. Good luck!”
“Some aliens never learn. Did he touch you? He’s not allowed to do that, anymore.”
“Uh, yeah. Hi, Bruce.”
“Follow me. I’ve got the Batcopter waiting to take us back to
“Whoa! Keep your Kevlar on, there, Dark Knight. Was
“Probably. He’s a meddling idiot who can’t keep his tights on and has been ogling you like a perverted uncle for years, but he does like to espouse his veracity.”
“That’s just…Huh. Not exactly a description most people use with regard to Superman.”
“Hurry up. I’ve had to wait far too long for this already.”
“So we’re just supposed to hop in the Batcopter and join the superhero Mile High Club, then go back to the Manor and put all that tantric knowledge to its proper use?”
“Yes.”
“Holy shit, Bruce. How do you know I even want this? Maybe I want to decide whose lust-monkey I become?”
“It’s too late. I won. I get to keep you. I’ll chain you to the bed if I have to.”
“Oh. Um, really?”
“I could even use the Batcuffs.”
“…”
“Are you coming?”
“I certainly hope so.”
“Dick. You have a truly infantile sense of humour, did you know that?”
“It comes with the name. Did you really make Tim cry?”
“His obsession with you isn’t healthy.”
“Wow. Batman made Robin cry.”
“Batman has a few things he’d like to do to Nightwing right now.”
“Well, okay, then. Let’s go, already! I’m right behind you. And may I just say, for the first time out loud, what a truly spectacular view it is?”
